Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
