Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, beer. Big fan.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
