Define "chronic" masturbator.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so let's talk penis.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
