Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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