so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
