if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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