Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
