I'm drive I can fine osifer
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
