mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
