Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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