No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
