it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
