Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
