Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
