I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
