Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
