Whod you bang
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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