There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
