So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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