The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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