Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
