The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
