My first STD was from a foam party
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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