doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
