i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she smelled like a LAN party
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All the doctor said was why
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
