I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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