Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
