I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
