hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
