Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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