Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize