Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
