Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
