ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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