Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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