I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
