There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
