i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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