Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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