you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
