i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
