Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
