look no pants
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
