Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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