batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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