mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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