he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
