Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
