Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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