If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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