worst night to have a conscience
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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