you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
