Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
