Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up under a house in Key West
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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