Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
