You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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