well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How naked do you want me to be?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
