I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
