dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
