a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
