you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
