Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
smell my finger.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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