i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
