and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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