Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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