I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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