Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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