Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
