There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
