So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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