am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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