I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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