Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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