I cannot find my penis.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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