i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
