FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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